The following is something I didn't even know I still had: The Original Nova Trek short story. This became "Gains and Losses" and while the overall story is the same, there are bits and pieces that are different and I think folks might find it intresting.
"Captain's Log, Stardate 5930.1. Hard to beleive that today marks 3 years since I assumed command of the Enterprise. 3 years since I became the first woman to acheive the rank and position of a starship commander- and so far, the only one.
"Wish I knew whether to be proud of that fact, or disappointed..."
Janet turns off the log recorder as the door buzzer sounds. "Come." She smiles gently as Dr. McCoy eneters."Well, Bones, what brings you to my neck of the woods?"
The Doctor indicates the PADD he's carrying." Just got the final report on your physical."
"Oh? I passed, didn't I?"
He nodded as he looked down at the information."Oh yes- same as last year- and then some."
Janet leans forward in her seat at this."Meaning?"
He meets her eye for eye."You're pregnant, Jan- at least two months." She steps away as far as the room divider."The fetus shows both Human and Vulcan genetics."
She speaks without facing him. "Well, since I'm married to a Vulcan, that would make sense." Then she steps on into her sleeping quarters before turning to face him."Now is not the best time for this."
McCoy is puzzled."Why not? You're perfectly healthy-"
"Health has nothing to do with it,"She snaps." I am a starship captain- The first woman to command a starship. Can you imagine what Starfleet would say if I applied for a maternity leave? Half of them will turn to the other half and say "I told you so."
She turns away in disgust as McCoy speaks."Jan, you can't live your life based on what Starfleet might say."
"Agreed. But I've worked my ass off to get this command, Lenard."
He nodded."And you've had it for three years."
She turns to face him and the determination is clear in her face."And I intend to have it for a hell of alot longer. I want you to schedule an abortion."
"Shouldn't you talk it over with Spock first?"
"Why? it's my body."
McCoy nodded in agreement."It's also his child."
The desk monitor/intercom buzzes and she crosses back to answer it."Kirk here."
The screen lights up with Spock's image."Spock, Jan. Long range sensors show a Klingon battle crusier crossing the Neutral Zone."
She glances at McCoy as she answers."On my way."
Janet begins to speak as soon as the bridge doors open and she steps out."Report?"
Spock looks up from his viewer."The Klingon is holding position just our side of the Zone."
M'ress speaks up next."They're hailing us, Captain."
Jan eyebrow rises in a fair imitation of her husband's. "The Klingons? That's a switch. Open a channel."
Jan turns toward the screen as she speaks."Klingon vessel, this is the Federal Starship Enterprise, Captain Janet Tamara Kirk commanding."
The Main Viewscreen comes to life with a familar face."So, Starfleet finally had the sense to give you a ship of your own, did they?"
She nodds as she answers. "3 years ago today. What can I do for you, Kang?"
The Klingon nodded as he got to the point."I must speak with you about a matter that may involve both our governments."
Now he shook his head.'Not over an open channel. I request permission to come aboard. I give you my word that I will be unarmed."
Jan signaled M'ress and the transmission was silenced. She then turned to her husband."Spock?"
"He sounds as if he is being straightforward enough, however..."
The captain nodded."However he can be as coniving as Kor if he wants to be." She nodds to M'ress and the channel is reopened."All right, Kang. Permission granted. We'll beam you aboard in five minutes. Kirk out." She turns toward the lift as she speaks."Bring him to my quarters, Mr.Spock."
"Captain." She turns from the lift as Lt.Commander Therran approches from his security console."Is giving a klingon access such a good idea? The ship's corridors, your cabin..."
"Your concerns noted, Mr.Therran. However, You've only been on board a few months. I've had dealings with Kang before. Besides, there are no high security areas between the transporter room and my Cabin. If it makes you feel better, you can monitor his movements on the internal sensors." She then stepped into the lift and was gone.
2yrs, nine months ago....
I had only been in command for 3 months, but Spock had already caught my attention by the way he did his job,his ability to reason his way out of any corner, and how nothing seemed to rattle him. We were playing chess in the rec room while we waited for the Bridge to call us about an artifact our sensors had picked up...
..."The Bridge said they'd call."
"I'll have you checkmated, your next move,Captain."
I had to smile as I glanced over at him."Have I mentioned that you play a very irritating game of chess, Mr.Spock?"
"Irritating?" Then his face seemed to light up with understanding."Uh, yes. One of your Earth emotions."
Then I saw an opening on the board and checkmated him. The scowl on his face was almost comical."Certain you don't know what irritation is?"
"The fact that one of my ancestors married a human female..."
I had to smile."Terrible having bad blood like that." I rested my chin on my hand as I watched him study the board."Might even require some additional discussion."
He glanced over at me as he tipped his king in defeat."Are you suggesting a private conference, Captain?"
I tilted my head and that night was all talk.About his life and parents, about my parents and brother. It was the most relaxed time I'd yet spent on board- and I had no idea where it would lead...
Janet jumped, brought out of her memories by the door chime."Come." She watched as it slid open to allow Spock and Commander Kang to enter. The Klingon was as tall and imposing as she remebered and she waved to the chair on the other side of her desk."Commander."
"Thank you, Captain. That title takes some getting used to."
"I know. I still catch myself wanting to look over me shoulder to see who they're talking to!"Kang laughed at this and it was a laughter that filled the cabin. Still, Jan got the feeling that it had been a while since he had let go that much."So, Kang, what brings you to our side of the Zone?"
The laughter faded and a momentary look of sadness was replaced by one of quiet resolve."Raiders. They struck two of our boarder colonies in the past week."
She looked to the Vulcan."Spock, has there been anything on our side?"
"Not that I am aware of. A moment." He turned to a nearby wall intercom and called the Bridge. It was only a moment before he turned back."Three days ago, Arga 9 was attacked by raiders. According to reports, the ships were of an unknown design, but the energy signatures of the weapons were Klingon."
"The signatures of the weapons used on our colonies were Federal." Kang tossed a data disc on the desk."Records of that as well as their last course based on propulsion residue." He leaned forward in his seat."Janet, I will admit between the three of us, that federal scanning technology is far superior to that of Klingon. As old as the trail now is, You may be able to follow it where we can not."
She picked up the disc and handed it to Spock." Is it possiable, Spock?"
"Theoritically," he replied.
Jan stood up and stepped away from her desk."Then I suggest we adjourn to the Bridge and put theory into practise."
"Is that allowed?" Kang asked as he too stood.
"It's my ship,"she told him."I can have anyone on the Bridge I want- even a Klingon."
Lt.Commander Therran's andorian antenas twitched as the Bridge lift doors opened and Janet and Spock came out with Kang and crossed to the science station.Kang seemed to sense his attention and turned to meet his gaze. "You have an Andorian amoung your crew?"
Janet answered as Spock set to work."Lt.Commander Therran is my Chief of Security. Why?"
"Survivors identified the raiders as Andorians."
Therran came over, but kept the Bridge railing between himself and Kang."Captain, as much as I'm loath to admit it, the Commander could be right. Andorian renagades have a long history of raiding boarder colonies and outposts."
"Indeed,"Spock stated as he worked."They also have a history of raiding Vulcan territory as well."He finally turned from his viewer and faced them."The trail had deteriorated, but is still readable. " He met Janet's gaze."They appear to be headed for Cestus 3."
Janet's eyes widened and she turned toward the helm."Sulu, how soon to Cestus 3?"
"At Warp 8, we can be there in 5 hours,"the helmsman answered.
"Chekov, lay in the course."She then turned to Kang."Commander, we don't know how many ships we're up against. If you'd like to return to your ship and follow...?" Kang nodded and she turned to the Andorian. "Mr.Therran, escort the Commander safely back to the transporter room. Call the Bridge the moment he's beamed back to his ship. Sulu, give him five minutes to reach his Bridge, then go to Warp."
As her crew obeyed orders and Therran led Kang from the Bridge, Spock stepped up beside his wife."Jan, is Jim still- "
"Assigned to Cestus 3?" She asked. "Yes." She turned toward the lift."You have the Bridge. I'll be in my quarters." She stopped by the communications station."See if you can raise my brother on Cestus 3- you'll find the frequencies in my log."
2yrs, 6 months ago....
Psi 2000. God what a mess that turned into. I think the entire crew was infected before it was over- including Spock and myself. We'd grown closer over the previous three months, but thanks to that disease, our feelings came pouring out...
"...Emotions,"I told him."You're better off without yours and I'm better off without mine."I looked up at the briefing room ceiling."Male captains always seem to end up married to their ships- but a woman? No. Not married. It's more like a mother-daughter relationship. I watch over her, protect her as best I can,and try to forget the fact that someday I have to let her go."
"Jan, I could never tell you..." Spock's voice faltered as he tried to find words he had never spoken before."Could never tell you that I..."
I did the unthinkable. I gently touched his face and met his gaze."There's no need to. I know."
We were close- so close. Our lips brushed for just a moment and I know it would have gone further if Mr.Scott hadn't come running in at that moment and jarred us back to the reality of saving the ship....
Alone in her cabin,Janet shook her head at the memories as she stepped into her sleeping quarters and picked up a photo that normally rested on the shelf above her bed. The door buzzer went off."Come." She looked up and over as it opened and Spock entered."Thought you had the Bridge?"
"I came to tell you that we are on course for Cestus 3," he replied, side-stepping the fact that he could have simply called.
She nodded. "he's not going to be happy to learn that 'Big Sister's' coing to the rescue."Jan looked down at the photo."Typical Iowa farm boy. Loved getting his hands dirty.Couldn't understand why I wanted to join Starfleet until he found out about all the agricultural out-reach programs that Starfleet and the Union supported- then he joined a year after I did. When he got the appointment to head up the terraforming team on Cestus 3, it was the happiest day of his life."
Jan looked over at Spock."I got a letter from him yesterday, did I tell you? He and Carol are going to have a baby- due in about five months." She set the photo back down on the shelf. Then she stood there and closed her eyes."Please God, let him be all right."
Spock continued to stand where he was. Her worry was an almost physical thing to him and to say he didn't know what to do, would be an understatement.Finally, he stepped toward her and placed his hand on her arm. She looked up in mild surprise and then a gently smile came to her face as she nodded her thanks.
As the ship continued on through space with it's klingon companion sailing along side, the hours seemed to drag by- even at warpspeeds.
Family. Her brother, Spock,a baby- it all seemed to be coming at her at one time.She had returned to the Bridge after lunch and now sat in her command chair , allowing her thoughts to wander even as she remained fully aware of the ship and everything around her.
Nine months ago...
For a Vulcan- okay, half-Vulcan- Spock had been in a lousy mood for the past week. When Bones told me that Spock had practically ordered him to "cease prying into his personal affairs" I knew I had to see him....
He turned in startlement- it was clear he'd never heard the door open.He turned away just as quickly."You've been called the Best First Officer in the Fleet- and I think you know by now how I feel about you. Let me help."
He stood with his back to me for a long moment before he finally, haltingly,told me about the Pon Far- the time of mating and the compulsion to return home."...I had hoped I would be spared this. But the ancient drives are too strong."
"Is ther anything that can disrupt or end the cycle?"
"Only by mating and bonding can the compulsion and increasing maddness be brought to an end."
I stepped over to one side of his living quarters as I thought about what he had said."Spock,I-"
"Do not speak of it." his voice was a horse whisper."While I have come to care for you a great deal, I would not want you to subject yourself to something you could not live with. The kind of bond that forms during the mating would be permanent. Not telepathic- but we would be aware of each other till the day one of us dies."
"How offical would it be?"
"In the eyes of the Vulcan government, we would be Husband and No.1 Wife."
"How many are you allowed?"
"A male is allowed as many wives as he can support. But the No.1 Wife would always be head of the husband's household." He gasped and his breathing started coming in a more ragged fashion. I knew he'd never reach Vulcan alive.
I knelt in front of him and took his hands in mine. They were trembling as I raised them to my temples-placed them in the position he had a dozen times before.Almost at that exact moment, I could feel our thoughts and minds moving closer as everything seemed to happen without the need of guidance. I could feel the blood pounding in my own temples even as I lived through the memories of Spock's life and he through mine.
I was hot, feverish and yet, I felt chilled and knew that our uniforms lay somewhere on the floor. I could feel my body pressing against his even as his hands moved over me. I don't know how long we were involved. Eventually, we became aware of the world around us and we found ourselves in his bed- both of us covered in sweat.
My mind had slowly cleared to the point where I could think again, when the cabin's intercom whistled and Chekov's voice announced that we had entered orbit around Vulcan."We must...beam down,"he told me."In order to offically end the cycle, we must attend the cerimony and allow T'Pau to know our thoughts and view the bonding."
"T'Pau?" It took me a moment to realize who he was talking about."It's been said that she's all of Vulcan in one package. Will she accept a mixed bonding?"
"Reluctantly,"he answered as he rose from the bed."It is the others I am concerned about."
It was only after we beamed down, accompanied by McCoy, that I realised that my new found husband had a gift for understatement. While T'pau did accept the situation- even welcomed me and wished me a long life- T'Pring, the original intended, was another story. She immediately challenged my position as No.1 Wife- forcing me to fight to keep something I had just aquired. T'Pau spelled it out."...Kirk, by accepting the bonding, you have accepted our culture into your own, in the truest tradtions of the IDIC. But T'Pring is within her rights. You have matted as a Vulcan,therefore you have no choice but to face her challenge as a Vulcan. If both survive the Lirpa, the death duel will continue with the aw-woon."
Next thing I knew, I was facing off against T'Pring with a weapon I had never used and finding myself struggling to breath as well as stay alive.
I heard McCoy's voice."Is this Vulcan Chivlry? The air's too hot and thin for Kirk- she's not used to it."
T'Pau."The air is thee air. What can be done?"
"I can compensate."McCoy tore open his ever-prent medkit and took a hypo in hand."With this. At least it'll give Kirk a fighting chance."
"Thee may proceed."
If I had known what McCoy was planning, I would have shoved him away. Instead, there was the hiss of the hypo an urging to be careful and once more I was facing T'Pring. I knocked her lirpa way and she mangaged to kick mine out of my hands. The aw-woons were brought out. Straps of leather. What the hell do you do with- as quickly as that, hers was around my throat and I felt myself passing out.
I felt like I was floating.I could hear T'pring as she stepped up to Spock and presented him with the aw-woon she'd used to kill me with. He told me later that it was now his choice to either accept her as his new No.1- or reject her.
He ripped the aw-woon apart and dropped it at her feet.
Rejected- loud and clear.
"Spock to Enterprise, stand by to beam up landing party."
T'Pau's voice."We greive with thee, Spock. Live long and proser."
"I shall do neither, for I must face the death of both my captain and my wife."
Next thing I was aware of, was waking up in Sick Bay, hearing Spock talking to McCoy."...Contact Janet's brother on Cestus 3 so he can attend any memorial service."
"Spock, wait a minute-"
"There is nothing to wait for, Doctor. The Captain of this ship is dead. My wife of only a few hours-"
"Is alive and well,"I said as I stepped up behind him.
He turned in a shock that was so great,I thought he ws going to have a stroke! Next thing I knew, he was lifting me in the air and spinning me around with a large smile on his face. "Jan!"
Our lips met in only our second kiss.
Then he remembered the Doctor's presence.
"You seem quite...unharmed, Captain..."
I nodded toward the doctor."Blame McCoy and his tri-ox compound."
But the doctor turned Spock's attention away by pointing out something else."Spock, you cannot deny that when you saw Jan alive, you erupted with joy- as pure an emotion as any you could name!"
"merely my quiet logical relief that Starfleet had not lost an excellent captain."
I tried hard not laugh. "Of course...Husband."
The doctor just shook his head as we headed for the door- then he muttered,"In a pig's eye....."
Janet rose from her command chair and stepped back to M'ress' station."Any luck yet, contacting my brother?"
The Caitian could only shake her head as her tail waved about behind her."No, Ma'am. All the transmitters on Cestus 3 seem to be down. Do you want me to keep trying?"
The captain sighed."No." She stepped over to the science station. "Anything else, Spock? A breadcrumb- anything?"
Her husband shook his head as he checked his viewer. "Negative. The trail is faint, but it continues in a direct line to Cestus 3."
She sat down on the bridge railing."What about the propulsion residue Kang mentioned? anyway of identifing the raiders with it?"
Spock sat down in his chair and turned to face her."Not specifically. Several races use simular fuel formulas - from the andorians to the orions to the Kizinti. It's not possiable at this time to narrow the list any further."
She nodded and turned toward the helm."Sulu? How much longer ?"
"3 hours till Cestus 3 is in scanner range,"the Helmsman replied."3 and a half till we're in transporter range."
Janet sighed.There was other business that needed to be dealt with and it looked like she had plenty of time for it."Sulu, you have the Bridge." She then turned back to the Vulcan."I need to talk to you."
She then headed for the lift with Spock right behind her.
Their quarters were on Deck 5 and as fate would have it, they shared a common restroom. They didn't speak till they'd entered her sleeping quarters."McCoy came by to see me this morning with the results of my physical."She turned to face him. "I'm pregnant, Spock."
That eyebrow rose till it was hidden by his bangs."And what have you decided?"
She shrugged."To talk it over with my husband." She stepped away."I've worked long and hard to get this command- to prove to Starfleet that I deserved one." She shook her head."A family was never part of my plans- at least not at this point in my life.
"A child would be a huge complication right now."
"Indeed,"Spock told her."I had not antisapated children in my future either."
She looked at him with a crooked smile."Bet you never counted on a wife either."
He tilted his head."Nor, you a husband."
Janet shrugged and shook her head."If this were any other time or place..." She turned to face him."Someday, I would love to have your children- but not now."
He took in and released a deep breath."I must...reluctantly agree. A Starship is not designed for raising children and at this point in your life, commanding a starship is your 1st, best destiny. As much as we both may wish it were otherwise, anything else right now, would be a waste of material."
She stepped toward him, her two fingers presnted in the Vulcan style. As his caressed hers, she closed here eyes and whispered,"Thank you."
Her husband then watched as she left the cabin. Spock knew where she would go and if he were totally honest , he would admit that he had no desire to accompany her.
"Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 5928.5.
It's over and done. There will be no child anytime soon. McCoy wasn't happy about it, but it was my choice- and I did like he asked and talked it over with Spock. I don't think he expected Spock to agree with me.
A little queasy. The good doctor said it would happen and probably linger for about an hour. Hope it's not any longer than that because in two hours,we'll be in transporter range of Cestus 3 and I can't afford to let anything else get in the way...
Laying on the bed in her quarters, Jan reached back over her head to the intercom on the shelf and turned off the log. As she lay there, she found herself thinking about the last time she'd been to Cestus 3- the last time she'd seen her brother...
Four months ago....
I remember standing in the grove of trees Jim had planted and smiling as he stared at me in shock."A Vulcan? Why? Why would you get involved with one of them?"
" Because I realized I love him."I turned to face the only other male in my life as I spoke."Did you need much more than that when you married Carol?"
He turned away and I watched as he ran a hand through his hair."What about him? What's his name- Spock? How do you know he feels the same? How do you know he didn't just use you to get out of an arranged marriage he never wanted?"
A gentle smile came to my face. Jim wouldn't understand."I can tell." I nodded past him."You'd be able to tell,too,if you'd get to know him."
I watched my younger brother turn and stand a little straighter as my husband approached.Spock nodded to him."Mr.Kirk."
Jim nodded toward me as he spoke."Might as well make it 'Jim' since we're family now."Spock nodded his head in thanks. I watched Jim's eyes narrow as hestudied my husband. The he took a step toward him."Just promise me one thing,Mr.Spock."He paused before he continued."Never make her regret the day she saved your life. Promise me that and maybe someday, I can deal with the rest of it...."